How I am overcoming my struggle with Worth

Worth.

Where did we lose the connect to our worth?

Where did we pick up the notion to deem ourselves unworthy

of love, of value, of abundance, of living out your dreams

I’ve had quite the journey to accept my worthiness

to really take a look and see the value of my being

I’ve been feeling like this for years, and I am so good at ignoring it

I am good at tricking myself out of any progress of healing this wound:

I am unworthy.

So worth kept showing up.

In the most sneakiest way

I was forced to face the lack of worth I’ve placed myself

I inner labeled myself unworthy of a relationship

I labeled myself unworthy of getting paid for doing what I love

I labeled myself unworthy of living for me

I labeled myself unworthy of pleasure

And the list can go on and on

I started to wonder where does this come from?

I began to ask myself when was the first time I felt this?

How does this feel in my body?

Where did I marry this thought?

How can I forgive myself and others for projecting this onto myself?

How can I divorce this thought?

When can I begin to love even this part of myself

The ego

The pain, the wound, the inner child

I was booked to teach yoga at #WeAllGrow Summit, a conference I’ve been attending since 2017.

My mentor, Yolanda connected me with American Heart Association and this miracle happened. I remember last year sitting in the class with Cristy Marrero and going to her and telling her, “I want to be doing what you are doing.” She looked at me in the eyes, and said “You will.” I knew this was the Universe delivering on a set intention. I was beyond grateful and knew I was being guided and led from above. From the moment I found out how much I was getting paid, I could feel the panic in my body. My mind went spiraling down how I was unable of delivering over “X” amount worth of yoga.  As if that could ever be a thing. I postponed working on a routine, every time I wanted to practice I would go into anxiety and sabotage myself from being Great. I could not wrap my head that I am getting paid good money for doing what I love; breathing and moving.

My ego was at work. She loved taking front and center. I carried the stress of not being good enough for about 2 months. At the same time, I started the break up process of a relationship where I was never quite sure where I stood only how I felt. Again, worth was showing up. I have never been the one to pressure anything or expect full commitment from anybody. This was a wound that disguised itself as easy going, going with the flow, and being super chill (which all of those are true). I’m 30 years old and have never had an official relationship. I have a daughter, I have “talked” to another person for over 6 years, and I have shared deep intimate moments with beautiful beings. But never did I saw myself as worthy of being in a committed partnership.

So what do we do?

We see it for what it is. We acknowledge it, without judgment.

We forgive ourselves. We forgive others.

I started recognizing the patterns and the root of the wound

I started doing the inner work, the reprogram of your mind

The rewiring and creating new neural-pathways

There is EFT-tapping which is Emotional freedom technique where you are able to bring some balance to your emotions and create a new reality, you can find Youtube videos on it

Also, mantra and meditation to really embrace this new way of being and becoming.

Recognizing our Worth and our value. Once we recognize that within ourselves, we don’t allow relationships with friends, family, and partners where we are not being valued and treated with respect.

We allow our share of the infinite abundance of the Universe to come our way through play and ease and flow.

We let go of the story that we are unworthy and unable to live out our dreams and be compensated for your work.

We open ourselves to be Loved and celebrated and rejoiced, to feel comfortable enough to let our guard down and love wholeheartedly

I welcome you to share your story with Worth in the comments, may we liberate ourselves from any old programs together

Thank you for reading my words

Jenny Ibarra

Could I have waited?

Could I have waited for you?

For a thousand years 

I just needed to know what I was waiting for 

And that you were waiting too 

I would have waited 

I would have held you 

I would have nurtured, tended to, planted, cared for

Loved in between all the messes 

I would have brought my own mop 

And swept all your entanglements 

I would have showered you with unconditional love 

Knowing that yours could have been conditioned 

And always in your favor 

I would have found and gently caressed the deepest of your wounds

I would have given my breath for you to give life to the new you 

I would have listened to your truth as it stabs through my heart 

Like a sharp knife dives so easily through butter 

I would have poured and poured my love onto you to show you 

that nothing could change my heart 

I would have gladly lost my Self 

In sake of your well-being 

But not for your ego 

not for your Manliness 

Not for your elevation and status 

I would have stayed 

I would have waited like a child awaits the return of their parent

Filled with a love so pure that wraps your entire being in what feels like GOD 

But had I waited 

I wouldn’t have anything left 

There would be no me 

The ashes of my remainder would 

Serve your as a reminder that 

My love for you is True 

I would have gladly waited 

had you just said the word 

Quitting Before You Start

Ooo those words hurt when I first heard them cut through my ego.

I have started writing my first blog at least 19 times in the past year. But I never finish the text, I never publish it, I never post it, I never do anything other than talk about all the things I want to be doing.

I see how much that is showing up in all other areas of my life. What can we truly say we put in our heart and soul into?

Focus.

I have to start today. right now, this moment. I have to just do it. As uncomfortable it is to imagine my words living somewhere other than my mind. My ideas, my dreams, my desires, my longings. All those are so close I can taste them, but I’ve been tasting them for sometime now. Now it’s time to eat the damn cake.

But to eat the cake, you gotta make and bake the cake. that takes time, dedication, discipline, all them other words that sound like too much work so we quit before we start.

This is where I am at right now. The world is our oyster, but is on us to work with the Universe and CO-CREATE the life and dreams we desire. Co-Creation as in you got to put in work too.

I’m excited for the journey, thanks for reading my words.

with Love & Dedication

Jenni