Worth.
Where did we lose the connect to our worth?
Where did we pick up the notion to deem ourselves unworthy
of love, of value, of abundance, of living out your dreams
I’ve had quite the journey to accept my worthiness
to really take a look and see the value of my being
I’ve been feeling like this for years, and I am so good at ignoring it
I am good at tricking myself out of any progress of healing this wound:
I am unworthy.
So worth kept showing up.
In the most sneakiest way
I was forced to face the lack of worth I’ve placed myself
I inner labeled myself unworthy of a relationship
I labeled myself unworthy of getting paid for doing what I love
I labeled myself unworthy of living for me
I labeled myself unworthy of pleasure
And the list can go on and on
I started to wonder where does this come from?
I began to ask myself when was the first time I felt this?
How does this feel in my body?
Where did I marry this thought?
How can I forgive myself and others for projecting this onto myself?
How can I divorce this thought?
When can I begin to love even this part of myself
The ego
The pain, the wound, the inner child
I was booked to teach yoga at #WeAllGrow Summit, a conference I’ve been attending since 2017.
My mentor, Yolanda connected me with American Heart Association and this miracle happened. I remember last year sitting in the class with Cristy Marrero and going to her and telling her, “I want to be doing what you are doing.” She looked at me in the eyes, and said “You will.” I knew this was the Universe delivering on a set intention. I was beyond grateful and knew I was being guided and led from above. From the moment I found out how much I was getting paid, I could feel the panic in my body. My mind went spiraling down how I was unable of delivering over “X” amount worth of yoga. As if that could ever be a thing. I postponed working on a routine, every time I wanted to practice I would go into anxiety and sabotage myself from being Great. I could not wrap my head that I am getting paid good money for doing what I love; breathing and moving.
My ego was at work. She loved taking front and center. I carried the stress of not being good enough for about 2 months. At the same time, I started the break up process of a relationship where I was never quite sure where I stood only how I felt. Again, worth was showing up. I have never been the one to pressure anything or expect full commitment from anybody. This was a wound that disguised itself as easy going, going with the flow, and being super chill (which all of those are true). I’m 30 years old and have never had an official relationship. I have a daughter, I have “talked” to another person for over 6 years, and I have shared deep intimate moments with beautiful beings. But never did I saw myself as worthy of being in a committed partnership.
So what do we do?
We see it for what it is. We acknowledge it, without judgment.
We forgive ourselves. We forgive others.
I started recognizing the patterns and the root of the wound
I started doing the inner work, the reprogram of your mind
The rewiring and creating new neural-pathways
There is EFT-tapping which is Emotional freedom technique where you are able to bring some balance to your emotions and create a new reality, you can find Youtube videos on it
Also, mantra and meditation to really embrace this new way of being and becoming.
Recognizing our Worth and our value. Once we recognize that within ourselves, we don’t allow relationships with friends, family, and partners where we are not being valued and treated with respect.
We allow our share of the infinite abundance of the Universe to come our way through play and ease and flow.
We let go of the story that we are unworthy and unable to live out our dreams and be compensated for your work.
We open ourselves to be Loved and celebrated and rejoiced, to feel comfortable enough to let our guard down and love wholeheartedly
I welcome you to share your story with Worth in the comments, may we liberate ourselves from any old programs together
Thank you for reading my words
Jenny Ibarra